


What is Freedom Without Hope?

by RinSexyMatsuoka



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - Monsters, M/M, Monsters, Sword Fighting, but I mostly put the warning for one scene only, kinda graphic, side reigisa and seimako
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-10
Updated: 2015-12-10
Packaged: 2018-05-05 22:26:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,325
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5392556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RinSexyMatsuoka/pseuds/RinSexyMatsuoka
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Monsters prowl around the outskirts of the city, forcing the citizens to retreat further in and to learn to fight. With the city in ruins from the attacks, Rin and his group lay their lives on the line to fight and keep each other safe, all the while hoping for a better future. Because hope is the only thing that keeps them sane.</p>
            </blockquote>





	What is Freedom Without Hope?

It’s gotten worse over the last couple of weeks.

The monsters have become restless and agitated, attacking the city with increasing frequency. They charge buildings and houses, knocking down what isn’t already in ruins, adding to the rubble that scatters across the streets. People know to stay far away from the outskirts of the city.

But the monsters have gotten bolder.

They’ve ventured deeper into the city in search of prey, uncaring if they get attacked. It’s all a part of the hunt for them. They search for food in the form of human beings, and they gravely outmatch the average person. It’s a death wish to fight them alone.

So Rin is part of a five-man group that helps defend the remaining population. Together they fight, knowing death could be minutes away, but laying their lives on the line anyway. If they don’t fight, they’re as good as dead.

His group shares a safe house with Seijuurou Mikoshiba’s squad, all ten of them crammed into one two-bedroom home that sits right in the middle of the city. They’ve become fast friends, and some of them even lovers, clinging to each other after every battle to ensure that they’re still alive, still there. So far they have yet to be attacked here, but it’s always a possibility. You can never predict the actions of these monsters.

“Do you guys wanna play cards?” Nagisa asks from his spot on their worn-down couch. He’s the most energetic and cheerful of the group, but Rin can hear him crying silently at night sometimes. Nagisa holds up a battered old deck of cards that has become one of their only sources of entertainment. “We could play 13, or something.”

“I’m up for it!” Momo says cheerfully. “Come on, Ai. It’ll be fun.”

He manages to drag Aiichirou into the game, and then Rei joins, followed by Gou and Makoto. Sei is studying a map with intense focus, and Sosuke is taking a nap on the floor. Rin looks over to Haru, who’s staring out the window with a blank expression.

And while Haru stares at the gray, desolate streets, Rin stares at Haru.

Haru always speaks of freedom. He speaks of leaving this city to find a place less dangerous, where they can all start over and live normally. He doesn’t talk much usually, but when he does, it’s with fire in his eyes and his words laced with passion. He doesn’t want to be trapped here and doomed to die. That’s what makes him and Rin such good friends, because Rin doesn’t want that either. They’ve all lost family to these monsters, and Rin will be damned if he lets them take his sister away from him, too. He can’t stop her from fighting alongside them, but he can do his best to protect her, along with all his other friends.

“One day,” Haru says when Rin approaches him. “One day, we’ll get out of here and fight our way to another city. One that has protection, where the monsters don’t wreak havoc. And then we can live peacefully.”

Rin huffs a laugh, smiling fondly. “I’ll bet I can find a way out of here before you,” he says playfully.

Haru’s eyes light up with the challenge, and he stares Rin down. “We’ll see about that. Just be sure to stay alive, Rin. I want to be able to beat you in other things once we’re free.”

A shiver runs down Rin’s spine at the sound of his name. Haru cares about his safety, everyone does. But it’s different when it comes from Haru, especially when it’s said with such a soft tone of voice, as if Haru doesn’t want anyone else to hear. Rin curses the butterflies that go wild in his stomach.

“Same to you, Haru.”

There’s a beeping noise, and everyone’s attention is immediately drawn to the device that sits on their crude wooden table. It’s sort of like a small radio, square and black, with two buttons along the top. Everyone falls silent as a voice comes through the speaker.

“Monsters on West 23rd Street,” a woman’s voice says. “I repeat, multiple monsters on West 23rd Street. We need backup.”

All the air leaves Rin’s lungs at the announcement. Everyone else looks just as shaken as him. Sosuke, now completely awake, locks eyes with Rin and whispers what everyone else is undoubtedly thinking:

“That’s barely a mile from here.”

“Grab your gear,” Sei orders, snapping the others out of their daze. He stands and grabs the radio device. “This is Mikoshiba! Backup’s on the way!”

They all scatter, going to get their weapons. Rin heads to the room he shares with Gou, Haru, Sosuke, and Momo. There, he finds his long, black boots that he keeps in a corner with his other belongings and slips them on. Next, he reaches for his leather gloves, tugging them on before grabbing his sword. He slings the sash of it over his shoulder, calmed slightly by the familiar weight of the weapon across his back. When he turns to the others, he finds them ready to go, all traces of smiles gone.

They exit the house and start running at a breakneck pace. They pass houses, families peeking out of windows with worried expressions. There are no children in the streets; their parents must have called them inside when the alert came.

“How the hell did they get so far in?!” Rin asks, as his feet slam against the pavement.

“You don’t think they killed all the other teams, do you?” Ai questions.

“They couldn’t have,” Gou says seriously, always the optimist. “There are too many of us. Even alone, we’ve gotten to the point where we can fend off a couple of them while we wait for backup. They must’ve slipped past somehow, caught us off guard.”

No one says anything to that; they need to hold on to at least some hope, or else they’ll all go insane.

Rin hears the sounds of battle before they turn the corner onto West 23rd Street. A vicious roar makes his heart drop, but he forces his legs to keep moving and round the corner. When he does, he stops in his tracks, gaping at the scene that lays before them.

“Oh, God,” Rei breaths, and Rin has to agree.

There’s blood. The sight of is nothing new, but the fact that it’s not all monster or soldier blood makes Rin weak in the knees.

A child lays a foot from where he stands, and there’s a monster viciously tearing apart the body and devouring it. The monster itself is like a large wolf, as tall as Rin but with its body deformed. There are talons sticking out of it’s shoulders, and the ridges of its spine are visible beneath its dirty gray fur. It latches its teeth onto the lifeless arm of the child and pulls, ripping it from the body. Blood gushes from the severed appendage, and the monster chews happily, crushing the bones beneath the skin with several snapping sounds.

Rin feels sick to his stomach, tearing his eyes away from the scene and looking around. Bodies lie everywhere, some soldiers he recognizes, and others he knows to be citizens. There are three fighters standing, but they don’t seem to be in the best of shape. A woman’s left arm is limp, but she holds her sword high with the other and defends herself. Another girl, younger, crouches on a rooftop and shoots arrow after arrow at one of the larger beasts. A man with short brown hair dodges as a monster swipes at him.

“On your toes!” The woman shouts. “They’re strong!”

Rin reaches back and unsheathes his sword, getting ready to charge at the monster that is biting away at the flesh of the child. He feels a presence beside him, and a quick glance shows him that it’s Sosuke, armed with his own heavy sword. They exchange a wordless look, thinking the same thing: it will be easier to fight it together.

They run forward with their weapons raised, and Rin slices down on the monster. It jumps back at the last second, baring its large, bloodstained teeth at them. Then it leaps over the child’s body and attacks.

Rin raises his sword just in time, and the monster gets a mouthful of steel. It whines in pain and staggers back, its own blood mixing with the child’s and dripping down its maw. The pain only seems to anger it further. It growls low in its throat and attacks again, swiping its paw at Rin. Rin sidesteps, raising his leg and delivering a hard kick at the monster’s side. Sosuke runs behind the beast and swings his sword in an arc, catching the monster’s hind leg before it quickly moves away.

They’ve got this, Rin’s sure of it. He and Sosuke are strong, even more so when they work together. His adrenaline is pumping, and he takes a deep breath before lifting his sword.

“Haru-chan!”

Nagisa’s scream stops him cold. He whirls around to find where it came from, the blood draining from his face when he sees the previous three soldiers lying dead on the ground, and Haru being pinned to the side of a building by a monster three times his size. Haru struggles to escape, but the lion-like creature is strong and looks ravenous. It has the body of a lion, but its tail looks reptilian, stretching out for at least ten feet as it swings dangerous.

“Rin, pay attention!” Comes Sosuke’s voice. He stabs at the wolf-monster just before it leaps on Rin, shoving the blade of his sword straight through its back. The monster falls to the ground, dead. Sosuke turns to Rin with a dead serious expression. “If you’re distracted, you’ll die. They can help him, you need to focus on your own battle.”

“R-Right,” Rin stutters out.

Every fiber of his being is screaming at him to help Haru, to save him. His heart is pounding wildly in his chest, fear and adrenaline making his thoughts hazy. He looks back to where Haru is pinned by the monster, and sees him stab the monster in the eye with a short knife he keeps on his belt. The monster roars, the sound tearing at Rin’s ears, and then Makoto and Rei are attacking it in hopes of freeing Haru.

Sosuke’s right; the others can help Haru. Rin needs to focus on the situation in front of him, which is the five other monsters attacking his friends. Taking a deep breath, he puts the fear of losing the people he loves out of his mind and runs forward.

It’s chaos after that. No more backup arrives, leaving it to them to defend themselves and stop the monsters from going in any further. They have people to protect. It’s all a blur to Rin, pure instinct taking over at times. He’s less about strategy and more about doing what comes naturally to him, moving as one would with the waves of the ocean. He grits and teeth and keeps fighting despite the screams of agony that come from the earlier soldiers. He notices the others around him; sometimes it’s Gou whose side he fights by, other times it’s Aiichirou that backs him up.

Once, he feels Haru’s back pressed up against him as they fight off the beasts from either sides. He wants to scream at him. He wants to hold him tight and look into his eyes and make sure he’s alright.

 _I need you to make it through this,_ he wants to say. _I need you to live, I need you to be able to talk about freedom again, to smile at me and tell me it’s gonna be okay. I need you to give me hope again._

But the only thing that leaves his lips is a cry of rage as he slashes at the monster that dares to attack his family. He doesn’t feel pain, even when claws catch at his arm and tear open both his sleeve and skin. The desire to protect, to _live_ , is so great, he has no room for anything else.

He doesn’t realize it’s over until a gentle hand lays on his shoulder, He looks up into the emerald green of Makoto’s eyes, before he’s swept into a bone-crushing hug and his sword slips out of his hand and clatters to the ground.

“It’s over,” Makoto whispers in his ear. “We won, there aren’t any more for now.”

Relief spreads through Rin and makes him weak. But as soon as his thoughts catch up to him, panic takes over.

“Gou, where’s Gou?!” He asks frantically, tearing himself away from Makoto.

Makoto grabs his wrist, shushing him and pointing to the side. “She’s okay, she’s fine, Rin.”

Rin turns to see his sister leaning against the side of a building, her eyes closed as she takes in the sun. She’s dirty and bruised, but otherwise okay.

The relief doesn’t last long, however, because another face pops into his mind and his stomach twists into knots.

“Haru,” he whispers. “Haru, oh fuck, Haru!”

“Rin!” Makoto says, this time with more force, demanding Rin’s attention. Rin gives it to him, fear clear in his eyes. “He’s okay. Hurt, but it’s nothing serious. Everyone’s okay, I promise.”

Rin doesn’t believe him until he sees it with his own eyes. Rei and Nagisa are huddled up close together farther off, fingers linked together. Momo sits with Ai under the shade of a rooftop, and Sosuke cleans one his more serious cuts out with a bottle of water. Sei is standing with Haru, wrapping bandages around Haru’s forearm while Haru does his best not to wince. Rin can’t take his eyes off him; Haru’s alive. Haru’s alive.

Afterward, they talk with some of the other soldiers that show up from farther away. Rin’s a little irked that they hadn’t come to help them, but he lets it go. Instead of saying something, he lets Gou dress the wound on his arm. They’re given to the okay to leave - the other soldiers will take care of the mess here - and the ten of them head wearily back to their run-down home.

As soon as he steps inside, Rin immediately heads for the bathroom. The others will probably take this time to dress their wounds, but Rin feels sick. Haru shoots him a worried look as he dashes off.

Once inside the bathroom, Rin immediately collapses in front of the toilet and vomits whatever he had eaten earlier. Images of blood and teeth flash through his mind, and it only makes him sicker. When he’s done, he flushes the toilet and gets up on trembling legs. He makes sure to brush his teeth thoroughly, and then splashes water on his face. When he looks up into the cracked mirror, he sees his own tired red eyes staring back at him.

He’s alive. The thought makes itself known, and brings with it so many other things he tries not to think about.

He’s alive. He could have died so many times today. He could have lost so many people. The possibilities are overwhelming.

He could lose his best friend tomorrow. He could never see Makoto’s gentle smile again. Nagisa might never make life more cheerful after next week. Gou could meet the same fate as their parents. Sei could end up heartbroken if something ever happened to Makoto.

Haru might lose hope, and then his life.

The thought makes him weak, and he has to grip onto the counter of the sink to keep himself upright. Tomorrow, they could all end up dead. The things that keep him moving forward could be taken away in an instant.

He doesn’t want to live without seeing Haru showing his rare smile to him. He doesn’t want to go on without the hugs he lets himself indulge in, stealing Haru’s warmth and comfort. He doesn’t want to fight without knowing Haru’s by his side and is working just as hard.

He doesn’t want to lose everything, and not even tell Haru.

A anxious feeling bubbles up in his chest, and he can’t keep still. The realization of what could happen hits him hard, and he doesn’t care about secrets anymore. He wants to say it. He wants Haru to know before they all die.

He bursts out of the bathroom and makes his way to the living room where everyone is gathered. His heart pounds, he’s short of breath, and his legs barely have the strength to hold him up. Nagisa and Rei are curled up together on the floor. Gou sits with Momo, Ai, and Sosuke off to the side. On the couch, Makoto tends to Sei’s wounds. Beside him sits a weary looking Haru.

Rin comes to a stop before them all, staring straight at Haru as he blurts out the only words that come to mind.

“I love you,” he says loudly.

Everyone’s attention is drawn to him. Makoto’s hands stop moving on Sei’s bicep, but Rin only cares for the deep blue eyes that lock on his own.

“Rin-chan?” Nagisa asks, tilting his head to the side.

“I love you,” Rin says again, this time softer. He knows Haru registers that the words are aimed at him when his eyes widen just a fraction. “I love you, Haru. I love you so goddamn much.”

He walks forward, standing in front of where Haru sits taken aback.

“I fight because you make me dream of freedom,” Rin says. “I fight, because you give me hope that maybe someday, we can leave this shithole together and go someplace where we don’t have to worry about being killed everyday.” He knows that everyone is staring at him silently, but Rin only has eyes for Haru. “We could die tomorrow, hell, we coulda died _today._ And I was so fucking scared that you’d get killed while I couldn’t help. Do you know what that’s like? I need hope, Haru. I need you because you make this shitty existence bearable and -”

He’s cut off when Haru stands, placing his his palms on Rin’s cheeks. Rin sucks in a breath, heart racing with how close Haru is to him. Haru gazes at him fondly, but there’s something sad in the depths of his gaze.

“I know how that feels, Rin,” Haru says softly. “I want freedom because I can’t stand this life. But mostly, I want freedom because I want to see how you look without a care in the world. I want to see how you smile without the thoughts of death clouding your mind.”

And then Haru is closing the gap between them. Rin’s breath hitches when their lips touch. Haru’s lips are chapped, exposed to too much dry air and chilly nights. But they’re warm now, pressed up against Rin’s, pushing gently as if tentative. His knees buckle now, but Haru is right there to catch him and hold him tight, his arm wrapped strongly around his waist. Rin lets his eyes fall shut, hands slowly coming up to place themselves on Haru’s hips. He presses his mouth harder to Haru’s, and Haru’s fingers slide into his hair.

A moment later, Haru slowly pulls away. He looks Rin in the eye, smiling softly as he brushes a strand of hair away from Rin’s face.

“I love you too, Rin.”

Then they’re kissing again, and the whole room erupts into cheers and wolf-whistles.

“Yeah, get it, Haru-chan!” Nagisa yells.

“Finally!” Momo shouts, sounding both exhilarated and exasperated.

Rin feels Haru smile against his lips, and he smiles too, the kiss becoming less of a kiss and more of them just grinning against each other.

Freedom. It’s what they fight for. Hope. It’s what keeps them going. Rin vows to fight until his last breath for a better life for everyone.

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what happened. It just did.  
> Find me on Tumblr! (sharkbait-rin)


End file.
